


What Makes a Burglar

by maybekatdidit



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Bilbo has a lil anxiety attack, Bilbo misses his mom, Comforts of Home, First Kiss, Gandalf Is a Little Shit, Hurt/Comfort, I could never, I’m sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Memories, Mentions of attempted rape, Not graphic descriptions, The Company - Freeform, Thorin wants to fix it, Thorin’s is there DONT worry, he kinda breaks down, he talks about his past, nervous tics are cute, oh that explains a lot, protective dwarfs, thorin is cheek bastard sometimes, young Bilbo (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23475889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybekatdidit/pseuds/maybekatdidit
Summary: Bilbo has to ask Gandalf why on earth he’d pick him him of all those on Middle Earth to be their Burglar.Gandalf brings up Bilbos past burglaries, Bilbo did his best to forget his mischievous youth and the broken heart he got along with it.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 5
Kudos: 167





	What Makes a Burglar

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read I just wanna say thank you. 
> 
> Don’t worry our boy Bilbo can hold his own and he has proven that many times over.

The camp was well set for the night, their stomachs full of Bombur’s stew, all of their rolls out for the night, Dwalin was even taking a nap before his first shift farther from the fire while the rest of the company talked amongst themselves. Gandalf puffed away at his pipe grumbling mostly to himself about things, Bilbo close at his side.

Bilbo wiggled his nose and watched the company, “I still can’t believe you would pick me of all those in Middle Earth to be worthy of such a quest,” he said with a big huff. Gandalf side eyed him for a moment before blowing a ring of smoke, “Why whom else would I have recommended? Do you believe any of your relatives would be up to the task?” He asked. Bilbo chuckled, “No, Yavannas sake, no. I do not believe any would be so foolish.” 

This was their first camp after the goblin tunnels and running from Azog, everyone was eager for something to eat and to relax. 

There was a moment of quiet before Gandalf spoke once more, “Besides my dear Hobbit, you’ve had plenty of practice.” Bilbo looked at him a long while and scoffed at the comment, “Please enlighten me, I do not believe I remember much burglarizing in my younger days.” Which led Gandalf to laugh, “It seems you have forgotten yourself more than I thought.” Bilbo crosses his arms shifting in his seat on the log. “How could I have possibly forgotten myself? I am myself Gandalf.” 

This led him to nod and take another drag from his pipe. “Indeed you are.” Bilbo waited for him to continue “Please elaborate my dear friend,” he said hotly. 

“Well Master Baggins, if I may. I knew your mother a great deal, and in knowing her I knew you.” Gandalf began, “Your mother would tell me of the trouble you had been getting into when I came to visit the Shire, coming home well after sunset or before sunrise holding bunches of vegetables and hiding great pumpkins almost as large as you. A burglar you were Bilbo Baggins, and a burglar you are.” 

This made the hobbit laugh, “I cannot see how that makes me a burglar, those were childish games Gandalf. Us young hobbits would see who could gather the most from ol’ farmer Maggot's farm and yes size did count for that matter. It was all for some coin and good humor. He would chase us off with a pitch fork at the most but was harmless in his old age- his hounds were worse. Faunts still antagonize him today! Hardly as dangerous as a dragon for that matter, not even near the same stakes!” 

The burglar's tone caught most of the attention of the dwarfs who were now listening to the wizard and hobbits quarrel. “Hobbits rather large feet is what also seems to be your reasoning, sneaking around a dragon for a stone!” Gandalf let out a hearty laugh, “Oh Bilbo, May I remind you how often you snuck out of your smial to do such things? Your mother was no fool, she has keen ears from her many travels and yet you went right under her nose to do many things. Not a very Baggins thing to do if I may add.” 

Bilbo huffed in frustration. He did his best to avoid those times. 

“There was no way she hadn’t heard me sneaking off to ol’ Maggot’s farm! Mothers always know.” Bilbo muttered the last few words in hopes to discredit how right his old friend was. Gandalf shook his head, “Perhaps she knew but nothing she ever heard. It wasn’t only Maggot’s farm you would sneak off too, off on nightly adventures…” the hobbit shook his head in disbelief, “There is not a chance my mother or father would tell you such things. I was fairly good at hiding my treasures and relations from them,” he spat, “See a burglar!” Nori joined in. “Sneaking off from your parents, stealing from farms, seems like burglary to me lads!” Bofur laughed. 

“He might be a burglar for us after all, Mister Gandalf.” Dori added. Dwalin huffed from where he lay, “Greens are hardly something to be proud of.” Bilbo glared at the dwarfs back, “Those hounds were a terror all on their own, back then I don’t believe it was the greens itself that I was hoping to gain.” He blushed, “Oh master Baggins was trying to impress a lass was it!” Kíli laughed, “That's what it takes to get a good lay in the Shire? Some ol vegetables?” Fíli gapped at, “What have we been doing?!” He asked his brother. 

Bilbo rolled his eyes, “It was hard work! We had to wait for the sun to go down, for ol maggot to sleep. Sneak into the crop fields and get to picking before the dogs caught our scent, then we had to hurry off with all we could carry and report back under an old willow on the other side of the farm and see who got the most, there were far too many close calls for some hobbits. Hounds aren’t friendly creatures when you enter their domain, he had them trained to pick up the scent of anyone under 30 in those days it seemed.” Dwalin sat up, “That is not hard work.” The hobbit looked away. “Perhaps not, master dwarf.” 

Gandalf sent Dwalin a look, “Yes perhaps not the hard work you may have in mind, but such things were not common in the Shire. Running from hounds, sneaking about, stealing, I do believe I have even heard boasting from a young hobbit who had never been caught by such things.” Bilbo blushed, “No I may have never been caught in the act nor could he prove I had anything to do with it. But I don’t see how that is a reason to burglarize me.” There was a brief moment of silence before Ori spoke up, “Well why did you do it to begin with Master Baggins?” He asked. 

“For fun I suppose, some coin, to impress others, I was the youngest, smallest too. I wanted nothing more to be a part of their little friend group,” he said thinking back. “Not for coin?” Oín asked. Bilbo shook his head, “Not always, mostly because I fancied one of them, their leader. In charge of when we would get together, what our challenge was, who we would nab from.” 

“Sound familiar.” Kíli muttered, Fíli nodded, “indeed.” 

Bilbo was much younger than most the hobbits his age, his cousins, distant cousins, neighbors, they were much older than him. He was often lonely without siblings or friends; he got bored easily. He always seeked something, always felt as if he was missing something. Maybe that’s what pushed him out of his door and too follow a band of dwarfs on a dangerous quest. 

They gave a big cheer at his answer, “He did it for a good lay!” Nori exclaimed and they all laughed.

“Alright who’s the lass?” 

“What’s her name now?”

“Was it worth it?” 

“Who was she?”

Bilbo blushed deeply, “Well his name was Rollo Cotton, he was much older than I and no it was not worth it.” He knew in the Shire it was much more acceptable to fancie the same sex, it was uncommon but his mother also told him that not everywhere was like the Shire and not everyone were like Hobbits. He was aware of that, he had hope that they wouldn’t think less of him for having fancied a lad. 

“That bad was it?” Bofur asked with a grimace breaking the long silence. He was sure Dwalin said something along the lines of ‘I knew it’ but Bilbo wasn’t eager to clarify that. 

“Yes, he was rude.” Bilbo said flatly, feeling hot and nervous. Gosh why did Gandalf have to bring up such memories he worked hard to push away, “What happened?” Kíli asked with a sad look, he knew little of dwarves cultures but he knew that they only loved once, so love was a sacred thing amongst them. For hobbits it wasn’t uncommon to experiment with others before finally finding their One, he told them as much. “What I thought we had was a fool's mistake, he told me he cared for me and I believed him. Then at one of my cousin's birthday parties, I saw him snogging with another cousin of mine, he laughed in my face when I confronted him on it. It was a terrible ordeal.” 

His first attempt at love was his last, he had given himself to Rollo Cotton many times and was later tossed aside like nothing. He tried here and there to find someone for him, but the fear of being treated like he had stopped him from ever committing to any of his feelings. 

“Oh Bilbo! I’m so sorry lad!” Bofur gasped, “It’s nothing really, it was a long time ago now and I was a fool trying to impress someone out of my league to begin with.” Ori huffed, “Well what did you do? Did you give him a piece of your mind?” He asked. Bilbo laughed shakily, “Oh heavens no, when I tried I found that everyone in the Shire had practically known we had...eloped.. and thought me some easy lay for years after. All my so-called friends wanted nothing to do with such a unpropper Hobbit and hardly talked to me again. They were just as guilty if not worse,” 

Bilbo thought of coming home after that party, when his mother held him for hours as he cried. Everything hurt, his young heart felt shattered into millions of pieces. 

Oh how embarrassing everything had been, Hobbits whispered all the time about Bilbo Baggins, at the market with his mother he’d get looks, some would turn their noses up at him and turn away. His father was most displeased, at one point even suggesting Bilbo should stay home but Belladonna would have none of that, him and his mother had a huge fight about it even. “I do not appreciate being gossiped about! What does that show about raising my son?” His father shouted, “You’re not the one who’s heartbroken over this! Our boy is hurting and you are worried about gossip! My son will not cower so you may go about your day as if nothing happened!” His father was deeply sorry after that, but Bilbo knew he wanted more than anything for it all to just go away to act as if his son wasn’t painted a whore. Bilbo was hurting yes, but he hated to see his father so upset. 

He put everything into being a proper Hobbit after that. 

He would dress the best, talk the best, have the prettiest garden to be seen,he had to cook the best, grow the best, he cast out ideas of adventure and friends. He drank his tea, read his book, enjoyed his arm chairs, he hardly drank at parties or hardly went at all. Soon people began to forget such things, he was Bilbo Baggins of Bag End and nothing more but proper. 

He felt his eyes sting with embarrassment, “If I ever see that blasted Hobbit I might give him a piece of my mind!” Ori declared, Dori patted his shoulder shushing him. Fíli and Kíli nodded in agreement. “Oh thank you lads, hardly necessary. He became a nobody sure enough,” 

The dwarfs began to talk of different ways they would defend their Burglar, debating on which way was best. Axe or sword- some suggested brute force was more suitable for this case. “How dare someone hurt Bilbo in such a way!” Dori shouted over the heated debate. “Oh Bilbo- you’re crying.” Balin said suddenly then the dwarfs stopped instantly. 

Bilbo stood abruptly, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to start crying- I need a moment.” Bilbo felt shame coil inside his chest as he rushed off. He didn’t want the dwarfs to see him cry, they already saw him weak, a burden, another mouth to feed, he didn’t want them to think of him less than they already had before the goblin tunnels. He wiped at the quickly falling tears and hid himself behind a tree far from camp, he sniffled trying to push away the memories.

Which was rather hard. 

Rollo was someone he had looked up to, someone who he thought was wiser, handsome even, he would have the best ideas, had the prettiest smiles. He was so charming to everyone who met him, but he was a con. He loved attention and trouble, Bilbo wanted nothing more than to please him. He would steal things for him, more than just silly vegetables, he would steal ale, pies, anything odd that Rollo Cotton wanted he was willing to nab for him. He was such a fool for liking him. 

Bilbo remembered gifting him a small bunch of flowers one evening after their friends had left, right before the sun had even come up, Rollo kissed him sweetly coaxing him into more and more than just kissing. Bilbo went home after that so feeling content and grown, blushing like a fool, he was head over heels for Rollo. 

There was a time soon when Bilbo knew something was off, Rollo wanted him to snatch some coin from a sleeping Uncle of his. Bilbo refused, he wouldn’t steal from his family, some food here and there wasn’t an issue, it was all in good fun, he could easily replace little things like that. But coin? From an uncle? He refused. This upset Rollo deeply, he yelled at Bilbo for an hour behind an old barn until Bilbo made a comment that pushed Rollo enough to slap him.

Bilbo didn’t know what to do after that, he was hurt but surely he didn’t mean it. So he continued to stay around, he felt like it was just a small thing and it was over.

Until one evening after their friends had left Bilbo was about to be on his way too when Rollo stopped him, began kissing his neck and touching him. Bilbo was deeply unsettled by this, he was terrified, he began asking Rollo to stop. Bilbo began to panic when he wouldn’t, he was held down with a fierce grip by a much older boy with some courage he shoved Rollo off sending him down a hill. He then ran home as quickly as he could adjusting his clothes and trying to calm his racing heart. Surely he didn’t mean that either right? 

But Rollo Cotton wasted no time telling others that Bilbo had practically laid himself out begging for Rollo to give him any sort of attention, that he was willing to do anything for a good lay. Then proceeded to snog with his cousin, Bilbo was furious, he approached him with all the fury and courage he could muster ready to ring him out on all the terrible things he was on top of cheating on him. When others began to laugh, “You thought you had a chance with me? Why would I want someone like you, you’re dirty Baggins. Who knows who else you’ve begged for before trying to climb me.” Rollo sneered, Bilbo ran home crying his heart out. 

He had slammed his door behind him and sobbed. His mother sat in her chair before the fire and quickly beckoned him over. He then told her everything, from the smallest detail and she held her boy for hours as he cried his way to sleep. 

The next day Belladonna went to Tollo’s house, Rollo’s father, and gave him an earful but it was all for nothing. The Hobbits of the Shire had already decided to like the gossip of the young Baggins better than the misdeeds of Rollo Cotton. 

Bilbo did everything he could not to leave his hobbit hole. When his mother would manage to coax him out of their smial he would instantly regret it. The looks he got made him anxious, he would anxiously tap at his fingers, wiggly his nose trying to ignore them, trying to seem normal and unbothered he would place his hands behind his back trying to remain still and somewhat proper looking. 

The whispers and looks began to become too much again then he’d beg to return home. 

“Are you alright, Master Baggins?” A voice pulled him from his thoughts. “You’re shivering,” It was Thorin.

Bilbo looked up from where he sat on the ground, not knowing when he had chosen to sit down. “Yes, I am alright. I’m sorry if I made you worry. I just needed a break.” He said with a sad smile. His nerves made himself shiver again. Thorin took off his coat, “Here,” Bilbo blinked at him, “Thorin it is quite alright-“ The coat was tossed over him regardless. “Thank you.” He blushed and pulled it close around him. This friendship between them was new, fragile in some ways, for all the harsh things Thorin had said in the past he couldn’t deny the pull he felt towards the dwarf for in his own way he was trying to make up for it and every moment since the tunnels. 

They sat in silence for a moment, Thorin pulled out his pipe, packed it, lit it, he took a slow drag and offered it to Bilbo. Who took it with a light smile, after a moment Thorin spoke, “I am sorry to hear of your troubled youth.” Bilbo looked at him then at the floor. “No it is quite alright, it is nothing compared to what you have been through. It is nothing really,” Thorin huffed, “Perhaps not, but troubles are still troubles nonetheless. I can tell there is more to it than what you spoke, I can tell you’re hurting.” Bilbo was silent, “Did he-“ Thorin began to ask, “He tried, yes.” Bilbo cut him off. He had only ever told his mother how close Rollo had come to hurting him in such a way, how very close. 

To his surprise Thorin let out a strained sigh through his nose and rested his head against the tree trunk looking up. “I’m sorry.” Bilbo nodded, “It was a long time ago, you have nothing to be sorry for.” 

Thorin was silent for a long while before he nodded, closing his eyes with a pained expression. “Master Baggins, I know I have been unkind to you in the past, that I have made things harder for you, I wish to say that I am sorry. I know what it is like to have to remake yourself, to prove yourself to those around you. It is never easy, I am sorry that I pushed you to prove yourself once more to this company.” 

The silence caused Thorin to look at the Hobbit who was crying once more, “Bilbo! I did not mean-“ he began putting a tentative hand on his shoulder in a means to comfort him. “No it’s okay,” Bilbo assured him. “It’s just, I haven’t had much of anything close to family since my parents passed and this company,” he sniffed looking at Thorin with a wet smile, “This company has made me feel like I have that again, only this time they’re overbearing and overprotective dwarfs who snore too loud and ate my whole pantry!” He let out a wet laugh. “I have told you before that I would’ve doubted me too, Thorin, you and this company make me feel at home.” He finally said. 

Thorin blinked a few times, “Bilbo- May I- is it okay if I kiss you?” He asked suddenly, “Me?” Bilbo asked, wiping his tears, Thorin nodded. Bilbo didn’t answer; he simply pulled the dwarf king into a sweet kiss. “I haven’t- i haven’t been with anyone in a long time Thorin. I’m sorry if that was bad,” Bilbo said nervously, Thorin pulled him in for another kiss, “Neither have I Master Baggins, possibly never.” Bilbo blinked in surprise and looked at Thorin, “Never?” He asked in disbelief. Thorin blushed deeply, “Yes, I’m afraid.” Bilbo looked him over, “Not even kissing?” Thorin blushed even darker, “I have kissed a few, but never anything else, I have never found someone that I wanted to give myself too.” Bilbo brushed a stray lock behind Thorin’s ear. “Oh, I am content with kissing right now if it is okay with you.” Bilbo suggested, Thorin nodded, “Of course.” 

Then they did, they kissed until their lips were red and swollen, touching each other ever so carefully. 

“For Mahals sake!” Dwalin groaned from seemingly nowhere, how long had they been snogging behind a tree? Bilbo pulled off Thorin who was on his back with twigs and leaves all in his hair. “It is my turn for watch,” Dwalin grunted, “Thought I would relieve you of your duties.” Thorin sat up, “He is just a sore loser.” He whispered in Bilbo's ear making him giggle. “My apologies to Master Dwalin for keeping you from your post.” Thorin said with a cheeky bow, Bilbo giggled again.

Oh how Thorin loved his laugh. 

Thorin helped Bilbo to his feet and led him to his roll, “Would you like to keep me company?” Bilbo asked gesturing to the spot next his roll. Thorin grabbed his belongings and laid them beside Bilbos. They laid down facing each other with soft smiles.

“Bilbo?”

“Yes Thorin?”

“I’m sure coming on the quest has made you an ‘improper hobbit’ in the eyes of the Shire, yes?” 

“Yes.”

“I quite like this improper hobbit just the way he is.” 

“Goodnight Thorin.” 

“Goodnight Burglar.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had originally wanted this to be a sort of coming out fic for Bilbo to the Company, but then it sort of turned into what it did and I refuse to believe Bilbo was always prim proper hobbit. He was a rebel in his youth.


End file.
